Oct 23, 201208:35 AMPlain Jane
Because Moms Can't Be Afraid to Tell it Like it is
Does your husband annoy you?
My husband was getting on my nerves today, so I decided to make a top 10 list of the things he does that annoy me. They are in no particular order:
- He snores. It's like snuggling up to a 747 jet at take-off ... yet it never takes off. The decibel level is astounding! I once recorded his snoring and it nearly broke our camcorder's microphone. I lay there, next to my human chain-saw, and fantasize about smothering him in his sleep. Is that wrong?
- He watches stupid TV shows. From Swamp Men to Ice Road Truckers, I can actually feel my IQ points declining.
- His driving. My invisible brake pedal doesn't work on the passenger side and it is making. Me. Crazy. Somebody please fix it. NOW!
- He expects me to be a morning person. This is completely foreign to my DNA. I call the entire concept of being cheerful in the morning blasphemy. Now someone get me some coffee.
- He won't wear cologne—says it makes him sweaty. This totally ruins the easy, brainless Christmas gift.
- He likes to build things. On its face this sounds like a good thing. But, after the construction is over, guess who gets to clean up? Yeah.
- He grabs a new bath towel every three days. I say they are good for a solid week. Who's with me?
- He is always hot, therefore our home is always cold. I swear you could hang meat in here! Guess what I'm wearing right now? Sweat pants, a t-shirt, a sweatshirt, fuzzy socks, slippers and I'm eyeing my winter jacket.
- He drinks a LOT of milk. With two boys and the bald man I buy milk like Noah—two by two. Every. Day. You're welcome dairy farmers.
- He loves to chew ice. CRUUUUNNNNCCHHHHHH, crunch, crunch, CRUNCH, crunchhhh .... He does it one more time and I'm not responsible for my actions.
Well, there it is. Now that I'm reading over it, I guess the bald man isn't so bad. I mean, he could be sooo much worse. Like if he had stinky feet or tracked mud through our house every day. THOSE would be deal-breakers. So I suppose I'll keep him. But if he doesn’t stop getting on my nerves, I’ll be forced to write about his strange Freezy Pop addiction. Stay tuned!