Oct 9, 201207:34 AMPlain Jane
Because Moms Can't Be Afraid to Tell it Like it is
Bullying: A new perspective
My son was bullied and physically assaulted last week on the bus. This wasn't the first time. I was—and am—enraged. Yet, what makes me even more furious is the reaction I received on my Plain Jane Facebook page about the incident.
Oh, how the comments poured in about enrolling my child in karate and self-defense courses—the primary assumption being that my child is a wimp.
Let me share a story: When I was in college, I had no car. I would walk everywhere. One evening, around dusk, I walked through a park on my way home. I was attacked. After escaping Lord-knows-what end, I called the police.
Know what they asked me first? "Why were you walking home alone at night?"
Not, "What did he look like? What was he wearing?" Nope. It was apparently my fault.
In my opinion, the bullying problem should not focus on the victim (the good kids, the ones with manners, the ones who follow the rules and display wonderful behavior) but should squarely take aim at the bullies themselves.
What is causing them to act like feral beasts? Who are their role models? What is their home life like? Who taught them to be unrestrained, volatile animals? Perhaps by looking at the cause, not the effect, we could actually change a few lives.
So forgive me for teaching my son not to hit girls, to use his words and not his fists and to obey the rules of polite society.
And shouldn't his display of outstanding manners prove him FAR MORE assertive and controlled than the psychopaths who attacked him with unbridled restraint? In the final analysis, school systems and society in general are looking at the bullying problem all wrong. To quote Shakespeare, "The fault, dear Brutus, is not in the stars, but in ourselves."
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WOW Jane, just wow. I can't believe the cops placed the blame on you so many years ago. We had a similar problem on our campus and they kept it so hush-hush. I never understood why they'd let victims, especially women, feel like it is their fault for an attack. People take walks for God's sakes, I mean it's not a crime! Just glad you and your son are OK and after all this, he will be stronger because of it.
Here! Here! If more parents spent time modeling good behavior and teaching their kids how to properly treat another human being, the world would be a much better place for all of us to live in.
One of my children was bullied last year - hit, slapped, chased, spat at, and threatened with death — in first grade, by a first grader. I was enraged by each incident, and after repeated requests I had to DEMAND the safety of my child would be guaranteed by the school (and it was, finally). The issue has resurfaced again this year and my demands are in place.
Bullies are a big part of the issue, yes, but they are empowered by onlookers. Whether onlookers help the bully, cheer on the bully, or just stand and watch without doing a thing about it, the onlookers are as big a part of the problem.
Some of our central PA schools have implemented the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program which was designed to educate EVERYONE about the issue of bullying, including teachers, parents, & students. The idea is to change the behavior of the onlookers so that they take away the power that the bullies have assumed by careful intervention in these situations. I have taught my kids to 'walk away' (or sometimes run) from these conflicts and tell an adult about the situation, but I have also taught them to stand up for other victims, to engage the victims and escort them to an adult if possible, or away from the conflict, or to go get an adult quickly.
I agree with you!! I hope your son is ok. We try to teach our kids to be polite and make the right choices but not everyone spends the time doign so with their kids. Now you have to teach them that eventhough other kids/people are rude, that does not mean we are going to be rude back.....
I would be enraged and furious too. Keep up the good work with your son. We need more honorable young men like him, and we need more like him to stand together against the bullies.
I could not of said it better myself, Jane. Where do children learn violence - TV, home life? Shame some children are not being taught how to behave properly - with respect for other. Remember... do unto other as you wish other to unto you.
As a single mother who has withdrawn two daughters from both the Public and Christian schools for the same reason, I concur with everything you say. Last night, through a program entitled "Shelter from the Storm", we attempted to bring a "new" level of awareness to our schools, parents and community through an integrated "family" event (hosted by the Lititz Library) that included a puppet show, children's activities, interactive video and Speaker’s Panel (made up of various community organizations).
Although the program was "free" and well publicized throughout the community, the program was not well attended. Why? Are we too busy as parents and teachers to NOT see what is really happening in our schools, on our busses and on our playgrounds? Students are afraid to talk to anyone for fear that it "will make things worse", but learned from the puppet show and video entitled, “Taming the Bull” that something needs to be done to stop these students from bullying and intimidating others.
Bullying is not an event … it’s effects are long lasting and cause students to experience low self-esteem, hurt, abandonment and lack of trust. This "silent" trauma is not only causing depression and anxiety in our children, but also creating within them a fear of going to school. Is this what we really want for our children? If not, then we really need to open up our eyes and hearts to "Bullying: A New Perspective".