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Jul 23, 201208:24 AMPlain Jane

Because Moms Can't Be Afraid to Tell it Like it is

Seven shades of grey

Jul 23, 2012 - 08:24 AM

I often wonder what I'll be like when I retire. Will I be laid-back and loose or uptight and unyielding? Will I have enough money to travel or will I be so poor that I will be forced to eat Friskies topped with stolen ketchup packets? It's anybody's guess.

If I had to choose, I would prefer to spend my retirement years like my in-laws. They travel the world, live in a house near the beach and have a bunch of crazy friends. I met their friends at the pool during a recent visit. They are a riot! They also clued me in on a few things:

I found out you are never too old to read Fifty Shades of Grey; Mathew  McConaughey is sizzling hot to ALL women; down south they have parties in their garages; and most women have a made-up name for themselves already picked out, just in case they wish to remain anonymous, and these chosen pseudonyms are always fiery. So thank you Veronica, Monique, Stella, Ruby, Jezebel, Josie and Cinnamon. You are grey goddesses! I hope I'm just like y’all when I retire.

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About this Column

Looking for puppy’s breath and baby kisses? Move along please. 

Want a laugh? Then you’re in the right place. Welcome. Hang out with me. Be my new bestie! My weekly blog is about anything and everything: From why I haven’t gone to the bathroom without an audience in 8 years, my kids, or my not-so-secret romance with Peanut M&M’s. You just never know. Give me a spin because I was totally serious about the bestie thing. (Eyes on you)

I have two boys, ages 6 and 8, an incredibly fat Labradoodle dog and a hot, bald husband. Clowns, bees, hyper-aggressive people and mimes weird me out. Cooking, the smell of a campfire and everything from the 70s and 80s make me all gushy and melty inside. My favorite words are: shenanigans, snarky and trebuchet. And I strongly suspect, now that it’s out there, that I’m a total geek because I actually admit to having favorite words. Sigh.

If you’re not into a weekly commitment (I mean seriously, we just met), my award-winning syndicated plain jane column runs every month in Central Penn Parent magazine. Oh, and before I forget, I have a website and I’m on Twitter and Facebook. So stalk, follow and friend me ASAP!

Website: www.JaneSuter.com
Facebook: Plain Jane
Twitter:  @PlainJaneSuter

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