Let's face it...whether you're six weeks or 36 weeks pregnant, you've thought about it. Will I return to work after my baby is born? Can I afford not to? Will I lose part of myself if I don't work?
Every woman who has ever given birth is faced with the aforementioned choices and even after you make the choice that is right for your family,
most of us will continue to second guess that choice until our children are grown.
I'll never forget the day, while on our way to the library, my children started talking about what they would be when they grew up. I was smiling at
my two and a half year old's response that she wanted to mow the lawn and pick up all the trash in the neighborhood because it would be quite fun to ride on the back of the garbage truck. My four year old's response, however, stopped me cold.
"When I grow up I want to do nothing, just like you, Mommy," she said.
Nothing. I'm sorry did she really say nothing? At the time, I had three kids under 5...surely she had seen me do something. I took a deep breath and smiled at her, patted her head and through gritted teeth said, "Nothing would make mommy happier than your choosing this career path."
And I meant it.
The debate to say home or return to the work force is a fierce one. Episodes of Oprah and a plethora of books have been written about the very subject. But barring the jibber-jabber of experts and ignoring the peer pressure of others, what it comes down to is "What is the right choice for my family?" We, as mothers, need to fight off all of the working mom vs. stay-at-home mom stereotypes. Stay-at-home mothers are not bored. Working mothers are not selfish. We are not gang members...with the stay-at-home moms
in casual wear and the working moms in business suits...taking jabs at each other. We are mothers. Each of us trying to raise happy, well-adjusted
children.
In honor of that fact and the fact that Mother's Day is this month, I asked some local moms to share the decisions they have made and to provide us with a small glimpse into their daily lives.
Angie Rowland
Family: Husband, Mike; Miranda, 11, Maggie, 9, Solomon, 7, Michaiah, 5 and Skyler, 18 months
How long have you been a stay-at-home mom? Since the beginning of motherhood...11 years.
What was your profession before having children?Designer at Eisenhart Wall coverings in Hanover until I started my own art business.
Describe a typical day in your life: I'm not sure there is a typical day around here. Mike kisses me goodbye as I try to wake myself up. Solomon is up by 6:45 asking for breakfast; followed by Michaiah. We grab Skyler and
head downstairs. Miranda and Maggie slowly get out of bed and join us for breakfast...We arrive for school at my sister-in-laws home where we coteach our kids. Around 4 p.m. we head home and the children do some chores and
then run off to play. I begin dinner and have a bit of "alone time" if at all possible. Mike comes home between 5:30-6 p.m. and we have dinner
together and catch up from our day. Then it's off to dance class for the girls or small group at our church. Baths, prayers, stories, songs, rubs and
kisses are often part of the the bedtime routine. Finally it's quiet. Mike and I clean up a bit then it's off to bed about 10 p.m. It's been a full
day.
What are some of the challenges of staying at home? It's difficult to have "alone time." We have to work hard at this. I must schedule "girl-time" because I don't have much time for other relationships if I don't plan ahead. Money is usually tight, but we have what we need, just not many extras.
What was the best parenting advice you ever recieved? Enjoy your children. Train them... so when they are older you will enjoy being together.
What do you hope your children will learn from you? To love God with all their heart, to love others, to love life and be all He wants them to be!
Best Mother's Day present? A favorite book and time to read it alone outside on the hammock.
Advice for new moms? Listen to your children. And then teach them about God and His love.
Biggest misconception about stay-at-home moms? That you can't afford to stay at home. You will have to give up something, but they are only little once.
Christine Bennese
Family: Husband, Michael; daughter, Erin, 2; and baby on the way
How long have you been staying home with your children? Almost 2 years
What was your profession before having children?High school math teacher
Describe a typical day in your life: Get up, eat breakfast with Erin, get Erin dressed, shower and get dressed myself, do any errands for the day or play either inside or out depending on the weather, read books, eat lunch, Erin naps and I do my work (I am an independent contractor for my husband's business, doing all his accounts payable, as well as the insurance billing for his chiropractic office). Erin usually watches a video after her nap, we play again either inside or out or read more books, make supper, watch the news, at 7 watch Sesame Street (Mike doesn't usually get home till between
7-8, so Sesame Street at 7 is GREAT!!!), clean up from supper, watch some TV or read and then go to bed. Mike does the evening bath and reading of books with Erin.
What are some of the challenges of staying at home? No time to myself, not having enough patients, no privacy!
What was the best parenting advice you ever recieved? Don't listen to advice!
What do you hope your children will learn from you? Love, understanding and patience.
Best Mother's Day present? I got a canvas wall picture of Erin when she was about 11 months old.
Advice for new moms? Listen to your instincts... go with them!
Biggest misconception about stay-at-home moms? They don't work!
Shawn Masucci
Family: Husband, Jerry; Ashley 9 years old, Courtney 4 years old
Your profession: Medical Secretary in an Oncology office
How old were your children when you returned to work? With Ashley, I went back to work six weeks after she was born. With Courtney, I was able to take off eight weeks.
Describe a typical day in your life: Wake up at 6:30 a.m. and get ready for work. My husband helps with the kids. I drive Courtney to day care, get Ashley to the bus stop and I get to work by 9 a.m. Monday and Wednesday I take college classes and get home at 9:30 p.m. If it is Tuesday, Thursday or Friday I come home after picking Courtney up from day care, get Ashley off
the bus, and start dinner.
Do you find it difficult to be a working parent? Sometimes it can be difficult, especially during the summer. I hate that they have to be at day care.
What was the best parenting advice you ever received? Do what you feel is best with your children. You don't have to do what your mother did or what your mom tells you to do now. These are different times.
What do you hope your children will learn from you? I hope my children will learn respect, love and responsibility. I hope they learn that everyone is different and special in their own way, be we all are equal and should help
someone whenever we can.
Best Mother's Day present? Salmon colored Geraniums...I still have one in my window from two years ago.
Advice for new moms? Take your time when you think you can't get everything done...you will. Make sure you have support and friends to talk to. Most of all enjoy your children!
Jennifer Lott
Family: Husband, Justin; daughters, Rheya, age 4, and Ella, age 1
How long have you been staying home with your children? Always
What was your profession before having children? Teacher
Describe a typical day in your life: Up at 7:30. Justin is out the door at 8 a.m. The girls and I have breakfast, I give them baths, get them dressed and do the dishes. We are usually out the door by 9:45 for a mom activity...park, gym, crafts with friends, library, etc.) Home by 1 p.m. for lunch and nap. During nap the goal is bills, laundry, cleaning and a 20 minute nap. Up by 3:30 or 4, play outside for an hour, dinner, Daddy time and bed by 8 p.m. Mommy time till 11 p.m.
What are some of the challenges of staying at home? Loneliness...especially for adult conversation and patience with my 4 year old.
What was the best parenting advice you ever recieved? Lie about the "still" questions. For example when your mother asks, "Are you STILL rocking her to sleep?" Or "Is she STILL sucking her thumb?" Say "Of course not," and do
what feels right to you and your children.
What do you hope your children will learn from you? To be kind people who are dedicated to their families and the people they love. Follow your dreams and if you're not happy with your life, change it. Never be limited by being
a girl!
Best Mother¹s Day present? Flowers to plant in the garden
Advice for new moms? Always follow your mommy instinct. Hold your babies and enjoy them as much as you can.
Biggest misconception about stay-at-home moms? That we have all day to clean. Our children are here making a mess all day....it's hard to keep up with.
Christine Schwartz
Family: Son Teddy, 8, daughter, Gabby, 5
Your profession: Audiologist
How long have you been at your current position? Six months...I'm still trying to get the hang of wearing all these hats.
How old were your children when you returned to work? Six months younger than now
Describe a typical day in your life: I get up between 5:30 and 6, shower, wake the kids up by 6, hound them to get ready for school so they don't miss the bus. Get to work by 8:30, work, work, work; leave by 3:15, get home (hopefully) in time to get the kids off the bus, listen to them talk about their days, break up fights, make them snacks, try to get on the treadmill, then work on homework, make dinner, eat, rush off to scouts, then back home again, get kids ready for bed, get them in bed by 8:30, do the dishes/clean up kitchen, maybe read/answer e-mail or, watch TV while folding laundry. Collapse into bed by 10:30.
Do you find it difficult to be a working parent? I find everything about parenting difficult, but the worst is feeling spread so thin (worse for me, perhaps because I'm a single parent). When I'm leaving work, I feel like I could easily stay for several more hours, but I have to leave then to get the kids off the bus...when I'm with the kids, I feel guilty for not playing with them more, for not even feeling like playing with them, when I have
bills to pay or dinner to make. I feel guilty for not wanting my kids to be in extracurricular activities so that I don't have to rush off to another place while feeding the kids on the way there because we're late again. I feel guilty when I am sitting still not doing anything for anyone else!
What was the best parenting advice you ever received? It sounds so simple, but a friend told me children are a gift from God: they are meant to be enjoyed, and if you're not enjoying them, there's something wrong. I struggle with this; not that I don't enjoy them, but at times I feel like a drill sergeant between rushing everywhere and trying to get them to pick up
after themselves, do their chores, brush their teeth...
What do you hope your children will learn from you? That life is not about being perfect, but just doing the best you¹re capable of on any given day. And, that it's not a sign of weakness to say you're sorry to someone when
you goof up.
Best Mother's Day present? My kids haven't gotten me Mother's Day presents yet, but I would love for my kids to not fight with each other for one whole day.
Advice for new moms? Having children is wonderful, but self-sacrificing. Try to keep a balance: don't lose sight of the things you enjoy doing by yourself, the music you like to listen to, the books you like to read, and, especially, the activities you like to do with your spouse, including date nights.
Kristin Stiffey
Family members: Tyler, husband for 18 years; Megan age 11 and Trent age 9Your profession: Elementary teacher, second grade
How long have you been at your current position? I have been teaching second grade for 5 years (taught third grade for 3 years, first grade for 6 ½ years)
How old were your children when you returned to work? My daughter was 6 months old and my son was 9 months old when I returned to work.
Describe a typical day in your life: A typical weekday would be the alarm sounding off at 4:45am. After hitting the snooze, showering, and dressing I get my daughter awake around 5:45am. We walk to the bus stop at 6:30am and she is off to sixth grade after an hour bus ride. I wake my son around 7 am. After breakfast, I drop off our son at our neighbor’s house. She is kind enough to put him on the bus along with her three children at 8:10am. What a blessing! I arrive at work around 8:15am. I greet my second grade class at 8:45am. The day begins with spelling, reading, break, more reading/writing until lunch. Afterwards I read a story to my class and they go to music, gym, or library. Math is to follow in addition to handwriting, science and or social studies. The students depart by 3:45pm. Usually I stay at school for an additional half hour to prepare for the next day or to organize items from the day. I get to my home around 5pm. Check in with my husband and children and begin dinner. Later I like to have the children read and work on their homework. We strive to have the children in bed around 9pm. If I have the energy I may tidy up the house but honestly, by this point of the day I’m ready to sit down and relax.
Do you find it difficult to be a working parent? If so, how so? It is challenging being a working parent. Thankfully, my job allows me to be home with my children in the summer, which is such a blessing. In a way, it enables me to relate better with other working parents during the school year. Being a wife and mother is a full time job in and of its self. Having the correct balance between work and family is always a struggle.
What was the best parenting advice you ever recieved? Pray for your family, friends, and acquaintances.
What do you hope your children will learn from you? I hope my children learn the importance of God and family.
Best Mother's Day Present? After several years, each of my three friends were able to adopt children. Until you realize how many couples desire to have children and can’t for various reasons, you don’t truly appreciate what a gift it is to give birth to your own children. Seeing my friends finally having an opportunity to have their “own” children was a great answer to prayer.
Advise for new moms? Read to your child everyday!
What is the biggest misconception about working mothers? That working mothers somehow look down upon stay at home moms or women who work part-time. As women we can learn so much from each other. Each of our experiences can help others. We are all in this together.
Happy children. That truly is the bottom line or at least it really should be. Working, not working, or somewhere in between, we need to be happy with our choices, stop second guessing and start enjoying the many moments that make motherhood such a blessing.
Don't miss the June issue of Central Penn Parent when we celebrate Father's Day with profiles of stay-at-home dads.