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Aug 16, 201207:43 AMNine Months... and Counting

Tales from a Mom-to-be

“Wow, you’re going to be huge if you’re that big already”

Aug 16, 2012 - 07:43 AM

I am finding out very quickly that dealing with the general public while pregnant isn’t always a fun task.

Sure, you have your polite and respectful handful, but the majority needs to take a class in what I like to call, “Diarrhea of the mouth, and how to prevent it.”

I’ve compiled a list of things that have been said to either me or friends while pregnant that threw us into shock mode. And we offer some of the responses we would have liked to have given (in parenthesis).

  • “Was it planned?”
  • “Are you sure there aren’t twins in there?” (“Ha! No, honey, I’m just fat.”)
  • “Can I touch your belly?” Then, without even waiting for a response, palming your stomach as if it’s theirs. I think next time someone does this, I might reach out and touch their belly back to see how they like it.
  • “Enjoy [the sacred act enjoyed by a husband and wife] now, because when the baby comes you can kiss it goodbye.”
  • “You shouldn’t be eating/drinking that!” (“Oh really? Who died and made you the pregnancy police?”)
  • “Are you still with the father?”
  • Another of my favorites is when you tell them you have other children, they ask, “How many different fathers?”
  • “Wow, you’re going to be huge if you’re that big already!”

And then there are all horror stories people feel inclined to tell you about the birth experience. Why do people do that—only share the bad things and none of the fabulous amazing stories we want to hear?

Alright, end rant. I just think it is amazing the things that complete strangers will say. Often, I think of really good responses and reactions after the fact. (Normally, I think of these quips when I am in the shower and it’s obviously too late). Tis’ life.

OK, mommies and moms-to-be, let’s hear it, what has been said to you?

Feel free to comment below with your favorites, along with any one-liner responses.

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About This Blog

About this Column

While trying to think of a creative way to introduce myself, the theme song to The Addams Family began playing in my head. While I can be “kooky,” I am not so sure I’m “spooky” or even “ooky” for that matter—whatever that may mean. I’ll look it up later.

My name is Brooke. I’m 28 years young and married to the love of my life (we’ll call him Bean Pole for future reference, because he’s really tall and kind of looks like Michael Phelps. I, however, am really, really short and, unfortunately, do not resemble anyone famous.)

We got married in September 2011 and are expecting a baby in January. We recently found out we are having a boy—which is good because Bean Pole, I am fairly confident, would send the baby back if he were a girl.

Meanwhile, I’m already a mommy to two beautiful miniature pinscher/toy terrier mixes, Zoey and Roost. I would save all the animals of the world if Bean Pole would let me but, alas, I am only allowed two pups.

I graduated from HACC with a degree in Humanities/Language and the Arts. I love music and musical theatre, and I love supporting my family and friends in their hobbies and interests. I really enjoy spending time with all of my family. I can’t wait to get to know you and your families as I share my experiences in being an expectant and new mother and, hopefully, you will leave comments or drop me a line now and then with your stories.

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