Oct 17, 201209:08 AMCup of Joe
Your weekly dose of strange parenting news, trends, and polls
Oh, the guilt!
Perhaps it is my lack of parenting experience, but it has always bothered me when I see a family out shopping and the kids are begging and pleading to have some ridiculous toy and the parents ignore them, while the kids scream louder and eventually start crying—and the parents eventually give in and say “Fine, just be quiet.”
This happens fairly regularly in the places I shop and when I see it, I have a strong urge to walk over to the family’s shopping cart, reach in, remove the toy or gizmo and say the correct answer is, “No, you cannot have this.”
Maybe that’s a little harsh, but come on. Why should kids be rewarded for behaving poorly? The adults should be the ones in charge right? What’s so hard about telling a child “no?”
I found myself eating those words this past Sunday.
Each week, my wife, mom, sisters and I visit my grandmother who lives on the western end of York. This makes for a fairly lengthy drive from Mount Joy (maybe 45 minutes if traffic isn’t too bad). This particular weekend, my wife had work to catch up on and we came to the decision that we weren’t going to be able to make the trip this week.
Sunday afternoon rolled around and right about the time we usually arrive at my grandmother’s house, my cell phone started to buzz. “Mom” flashed across the screen so I quickly answered and was greeted by my younger sister’s voice: “Are you coming up to grandma’s today?”
I hesitated and then explained that we wouldn’t be able to make the trip this week, and in a slightly saddened tone she murmured, “Oh, ok. Bye.”
Guilt immediately flooded my thoughts and I had to fight the urge to call back and say, “Just kidding, we’ll see you in a little bit.”
But this phone call has led me to question whether I’ll be the stern parent I always thought I would be. I have no plans of letting my kids walk all over me, but when push comes to shove and they really want that new toy while we’re out shopping, am I going to make them put it back?
Well, yeah, I probably will because I’m stingy, but maybe all of the other parents who let their kids get the toy aren’t so bad after all.
What about you? Do you give in to your children’s pleas?
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There are two weapons my wife and I use to combat our kids' toy aisle excitement:
1. Give a regular allowance and encourage them to save. We give each of our kids $5 to spend, $3 to save and $2 to share each time we ourselves get paid. If they want something, we ask them if they have enough money at home to pay us back for it. If so, then it's their money to spend. If not, we go to step two.
2. Take a photo. Later, we'll add the item to an online wish list (we use wishpot.com) of things each wants for birthdays, Christmas, etc. It redirects their immediate 'wants' and helps grandparents and others with gift shopping. Win/win!
Tim
Wow, I would be careful talking about things of which you have no experience, especially parenting. Don't have kids? then yes, you are completely clueless. Imagine this....you've been up almost a week straight, with a sick, crying child, and you listen to their crying 20 hours out of the 24 in a day. by the end of day 7, you would sell your mother to get them to be quiet. Honestly, the best advice you will ever hear before you have kids is: don't pass judgement. I promise, you will do things with your kids that you said you would NEVER do. So my other piece of advice is to not say, I won't do THIS when I Have kids or I'll do THIS differently. Believe me, there is a reason you see this happen, over and over again. I always said I would never have my baby in bed with me. But 3 straight days of holding my crying baby and yes, you guessed it. If he only slept in my arms in my bed, then he slept in bed with us. It lasted 2 months. Parenting is like nothing you've ever done, and no matter how many books you read before hand, once you're on the journey, you realize that you didn't have a clue. And suddenly you can smile when you see a kid throwing a temper tantrum in the store and the parents giving in. Because that was you the week before.
I am a mother of four and I do not give in to bad behavior, I always explain to them that there is no way I can reward their behavior. I am sure I would not have to continue to deal with the behaviors if my hubbie would also practice this, but he usually does whatever to keep them quiet and unfairly I might add, I don' t do for one what I can't do for the other three. I think this not only reinforces the bad behavior but encourages a first come first serve attitude which intensifies the behavior. I wish I could get him to understand and stick by his guns. I don't want to raise little adults with entitlement issues!